rainy day/winter activities (mops talk)

"it rained and it rained and it rained. piglet told himself that never in all his life, and he was goodness knows how old - three, was it, or four? --never had he seen so much rain. days and days and days. "if only," he thought, as he looked out of the window, "i had been in pooh's house, or chirstopher robin's house, or rabbit's house when it began to rain, then i should have had company all this time, instead of being here all alone, with nothing to do except wonder when it will stop."
a.a. milne "winnie the pooh"

ever feel like a prisoner to rain in your own home? we wonder, too, with piglet, that if we could just have some company, instead of being alone, it might become more than just another dreary day. today we're going to share some ways to turn a rainy day into something a bit more exciting. i'm not going to share too much with you this morning, to allow you plenty of time to share in your groups what works in your home.

one of the best things you can do, is to prepare ahead of time. prepare a rainy day box that you keep in a special closet or place and inside put things that you don't normally use like:
* age appropriate art supplies *special snacks (for tea time) * books (pop up books are good here) * toys to rotate (train set, duplos, playdough, puzzles) * special toys (magnifying glass, slinky, etc.) * bean bags, * card games *balloons (choking hazard for small children, use with care) * old magazines to be cut up * musical instruments (fill an easter egg with rice and tape around the seam) * junk mail, especially the kind that comes with stickers

try to see your house in terms of centers--different activities that can be done in different areas of your home.

for instance, in the kitchen, you can have your child help you:
-cook
-organize a drawer or cabinet
-make an indoor "sand box" with rice (or oatmeal or lentils or beans) in a large box and various measuring cups, scoops)
-pudding finger paint
-fold kitchen towels (even if they're already folded-small children love this challenge when taught how to do it)
-sweep/scoop up dirt

in the family room you can play some games:
^bean bag toss
^mailbox (write notes--even unintelligible ones)
^carpet raceway
^go fish
^hide and seek--many options here. take turns hiding and seeking a stuffed animal, do a treasure hunt, or make a list of things around your house for your child to find, like a scavenger hunt)
^put painter's tape on the floor for hopscotch or balance beam
^animal charades
^grocery store
^if pickles could talk (any inanimate object in your house).
true confessions: when i was potty training my boys, and i knew they had to go, but they didn't think they did, i would make the potty seat/mouth "talk" to the boys saying "i'm thirsty" and they would fall for it every time and giggle the whole way...
^gymnastics skills
^stretching
^old fashioned games like drop a clothespin in a gallon jug, pin the _____ on the ______

in the bathroom, give them a bath just for fun (let them drop in a few drops of food coloring. it won't stain their skin, but they'll get a kick out of watching the color change). teach them how to clean different areas-sink, floor, toilet, cabinets.

you can do an indoor tent or fort, a wall mural (janbrett.com has some free that are great and go along with her books), have a teddy bear picnic, teach them a new song, dance! visit your favorite "other" place (ours has typically been the library or the children's section of a major bookstore).

think of all the things they could do as a momma's helper== sort socks or silverware, practice manners or setting a table, wipe down baseboards, wash windows or walls with just plain water. play musical pots/pans.

art is always fun, but maybe you can do some out of the ordinary things: make a free puzzle by cutting up the front of a cereal box. make a popsicle puzzle by taping 6-10 sticks together, turn it over to the other side, draw a picture on it, then take the tape off and mix up the sticks (works great for readers with a message or Bible verse too). do a surprise bag, or maze, tape markers or crayons to matchbox cars and have them drive/draw on a big piece of pzper. make an obstacle course, or get out soft balls and the laundry basket.

don't forget to go outside and enjoy the rain if possible. have your child use markers to draw on a coffee filter and put them on a cookie sheet out in the rain. make a rain gauge. enjoy!

discussion questions
1.) is there anything else you'd like to discuss today?
2.) what is the most challenging thing about a rainy day to you?
3.) what works well in your home on a rainy day?
4.) do you have any positive childhood memories incuding rain?
5.) brainstorm as a group some of your favorite songs/games you plan to teach your child the next rainy/snowy spell....

advent (mops talk)

how many of you have had a great couple of weeks since we last met? i can say that i had one day that stood out to me as being a really great day. everything went well, it was great weather, i got everything on my list done and i got to thinking wouldn't it be great if every day was like today? but then i thought some more and decided that if everyday went so smoothly, then i wouldn't appreciate it. Christmas is like that for me. and until i realized what advent was all about, i didn't know how to fully appreciate it.

here's the power point presentation that went with my talk:

Advent

View more presentations from rufam.

i have a confession to make, for about 20 years, i didn't like Christmas. the memories of one Christmas while in my teens held back the joy i saw so many others experience. and even after i had kids, i felt i couldn't fully participate even in their joy. until. i changed my view of anticipating Christ's birth at Christmas to anticipating seeing Him in His fullness in heaven.

**we can only joyfully, expectantly look forward to Christ's return if you have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.****
the way we do this is to

Acknowledge you are a sinner in need of a Savior
Believe in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ
Confess your sin and repent (turn from sin)

There is no greater gift. Please talk to me, or Beth, or Ruth or someone on the steering committee if you have questions or want to know more.

Merry Christmas!

discussion questions:
1.) is there anything else you'd like to discuss this morning?
2.) if you already celebrate advent, what one idea would you like to add?
3.) share some ways you keep the focus on Christ at Christmas.
4.) what is one Christmas tradition you've kept from your childhood? on you've started new with your children?
5.) share a prayer request if you feel comfortable doing so.

The Strong Willed Child (mops talk)

before i even begin, i have a gift to share with you. it is certainly nothing extravagant or costly and if you live in a house like mine, it will get destroyed by the weekend. but for today, right now, i want to give you this as a reminder that you are loved--it's a piece of lovely, to brighten your day and remember:

isaiah 40:11
He tends His flock like a shepherd
He gathers the lambs in His arms
and carries them close to His heart
He gently leads those that have young.

(handed out small paper doily) put it under your drinking glass at home, or toothbrush holder, or wherever you'll see it and remember how much God loves you.

i asked all my kids 2 questions, "who do you think is the most strong willed child?" and "do you think you're strong willed?" all 7 answered a different kid as the most strong willed, and none of the ones i would consider strong willed said they were. the strong willed child can be perceived as a negative challenge, but i want you to erase that common stereotype and allow your mind to be a clean slate this morning to give you a different point of view (and if you are a strong willed child, you just thought to yourself that nobody can tell you what to think....)

*remember*.... God chose YOU to be the parent of your child/ren for a reason and He will give you the strength to do just that. what is a strong willed child, and how do you know if you have one?
* a strong willed child (swc) loves to challenge the rules
* they know anything is possible (if you say, "you'll never get to college if you don't study" they'll respond, "really? no one's *ever* done it?")
* there's something about never and can't that sparks a fire in them
* they know there's nothing they *have* to do
* they want control, and are willing to suffer the consequences in order to have it

what's the difference between a defiant child and a swc?
basically, a defiant child (not necessarily a swc) has trouble with authority. a swc questions how the authority is communicated. they want a say.

nevertheless, we are all sinners, and responsible for our actions. we can't blame it on our temperament or being a swc.

*it's so important as Christian parents to teach a view of God that will help our kids desire Him, not rebel against Him.* it's not the threat of eternal damnation that will appeal to our kids, but the promise of a loving relationship.

our purpose for authority in our childrens' lives is not to hold them under our power, but to empower them to be self-controlled people living freely under the authority of God.

i've come up with a word that will help you with 4 ways to deal with your swc. D-R-A-W

D-develop a relationship with your child. think of it as tying heart strings. the Bible speaks often of the heart:

proverbs 4:23, "guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life."
matthew 12:24, "out of the mouth, the heart speaks."
deuteronomy 6:2-fear the Lord, enjoy long life, 3- careful to obey so it will go well with you, 5-love the Lord, 6-commands to be on your hearts, 7- impress on your children when you walk, rise, talk all the time, 8-9- put it on your houses/gates (hands/forehands).

three basic relationships that affect our parenting are:

1.) God with us
2.) us with our parents
3.) us with our kids

start when they're young. listen as well as speak. one way we built relationships with our kids was starting around age 3 or 4, we'd take them one on one for a date nights. i'd take them one month at night, and my husband would take them the next month on a saturday morning for a donut. it builds memories as well as enabled us some one on one time for making the most of teachable moments (like seeing prisoners on the side of the road doing maintenance). get to really know your kids, what motivates them. (it's important once they reach a certain age to teach them that we all have hoops to jump through sometimes. a child who doesn't like math but wants to graduate from high school, recognizes that it's a hoop he has to jump through. not necessarily something he needs to learn to love).

a fun game we play with our kids at bedtime, after the lights go out, but before prayers is the word association game. i say a word and they say the first word that comes to mind. we start with silly words, and get deeper as we go on. it's a great way to find out what's on their heart without being too nosy or needing to prompt too much.

R- remove emotions or remain neutral. the day i discovered that their anger/disobedience/ lack of self control was not directed towards *me* was the beginning of a big change for us.
teach them to fear God, not just you. they will stand before His judgment throne one day.
decide if their action is willful defiance or childish responsibility.
teach that law of physics that every action has an equal and opposite reaction.
don't get angry or cry.
be willing to walk away.
your anger will signal to them that you are not in control.

you may need to ignore the circumstances of their coming to your family. i had a friend who found it extremely difficult to not be emotional when disciplining her son that they had waited years and spent a great deal of money on adopting. our 6th child was our first child conceived after my husband had his vasectomy reversed. when i was 18 weeks pregnant, we were told that instead of a brain, he had a fluid filled cyst. we were told to have an abortion and "try again." we opted for a repeat ultrasound in 4 weeks. at that visit, the doctor said he had never before seen a cyst as large as our son's completely disappear, but his had (praise the Lord. really, a miraculous gift only He could give.) it was a challenge to remain neutral in disciplining this miracle child.

A- accentuate the positive. not just when they are well behaved in front of other people, but when their hearts chose the right thing when no one is looking. some of the ways we've done this:
prayers of praise at bedtime
talking on the phone to grandma and praising them when they can overhear us
set them up for success--define boundaries/expectations (don't take them to the store when they're tired or hungry, etc.)
see under what circumstances do they get in trouble? what can i do to combat that?

use the fast food approach--have them repeat back to you what you expect them to do. teach them independence and responsibility. this will give them a sense of control that swc desire.

W- wage your battles carefully. think outside the box. when i was little my mom used to say to us: "do you want to go to bed at 8 or stay up until 7:30?" which sounds better to you when you're not really old enough to tell time? :)
decide ahead of time with your spouse what are your negotiables and what are non-negotiable.
our negotiables: how they dress, eating habits, etc.
non-negotiables: seat belts and other safety issues, moral values, etc.

come up with a family mission statement so you can remember what's important to you when your struggle. our basic family mission is to keep an eternal perspective. are we going to discipline the kids for running in the house when we've said not to, or will we wait to discipline after they've broken a lamp while running in the house? (the latter will send a message that the lamp was more important than obedience).

some practical age appropriate applications:

before 7 months--no discipline. ever. use a backpack or sling/wrap to keep them close to you.
teach them before they can crawl to stay and play on a small square blanket or in a hula hoop. (this can be done! it's a training process, not a once and done deal).

8-14 months: distraction/repetition. when my 2nd child was about 2, she was misbehaving in a store and we could not leave. so i looked her right in the eye and said, "oh, honey. am i going to have to tell your mother how you misbehaved for me today?" she was either so shocked or confused at my talking about myself in the 3rd person, that she behaved while we got our necessary items.

15-24 months: small spankings may be necessary for issues of safety. (give it immediately and with something other than your hand-but something that you could not hurt them with. like a thin forsythia branch). give lots of love. make pleasing you their main motivation.

2-3 years: laugh. often. begin scripture memorization. be consistent. say yes as much as possible (works for the teenage years too). time outs can begin to be effective if you find it's a matter of self-control.

4-8 years: address attitudes not just behavior. be the example. they are watching you even when you don't think they are.

9-12 years: loosening the lines of authority can begin if you've been consistent in the early years. spanking should have subsided. natural consequences can really be effective. allow the child to experience pain (so hard for a mom!)

try not to ask, "why did you do that?" often times they won't know....

instead, ask: "what did you do?"
"what should you have done?"
"what can you do to help solve the problem?"
" are you more concerned with pleasing yourself or pleasing God?"

some ways you can train a swc to be more independent and feel more in control is to teach them some ideas from montessori:
*graduated blocks * spooning (lentils, beans, rice) *wringing a sponge, helping to clean * sorting (buttons, colored pasta, toys, etc.) * rice pouring (to work up to being able to pour water or juice on their own) * matching fabrics from a fabric basket * basting * matching different lids * using tongs--marbles onto a bathtub suction cup, fake ice cubes, cotton balls, etc. *putting on coat, getting dressed * walking a line of masking tape on the floor * keep a mystery bag (like a small pillowcase) filled with objects they have to try and identify just by touching

discussion questions:
1.) is there anything else you want to talk about?
2.) do you agree that God gave you your child/ren for a reason and will help you parent them?
3.) do you remember a moment when you knew your child was strong willed? what led up to that realization?
4.) would you describe yourself as a strong willed? what characteristics of yourself do you see in your child?
5.) when you get frustrated or discouraged in your parenting what steps can you take to regain your joy?